Pippi Longstocking in a sex tape? Say it isn’t so.

Former Pippi Longstocking star Tami Erin reportedly stars in a XXX sex tape being “shopped around town,” TMZ reported on Tuesday.

Erin, 39 starred in the 1988 movie, “The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking,” after beating out 8,000 other young actresses for the role.

TMZ reports that the “hardcore” flick was reportedly shot recently and it’s unclear who is selling the footage or whether anyone has bought it yet.

Erin’s representatives haven’t commented on the report.

TMZ says it’s seen the X-rated footage, which looks like it’s been shot recently, and it shows Erin in various “sexual situations.”

No pigtails, though. Whew.

Erin was last in the news back in April when she was arrested for allegedly assaulting her male roommate during an incident in Walnut Creek, Calif.

She later claimed the altercation happened after she discovered him filming her without her knowledge. She was apparently not naked at the time, so that’s not likely where the sex tape came from.

“How much has he been filming me without my knowledge? The truth will come out,” she said in a statement after the incident.

As this news breaks, her Twitter follower numbers – @TamiErinReal – are rising quickly today.

Kayla Green

Spokes-Model
Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC
Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about.
7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409

Hours
The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Dances
We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.
VIP / Private Parties
The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.
Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
Here are some keywords to help you find us quickly.
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Sex Tape Teen Mom Farrah Abraham Asks Twitter Followers For Gifts

Farrah Abraham raked in a staggering six-figure sum in just TWO MONTHS for her controversial sex tape but she is still looking for freebies from her fans.

Star of Backdoor Teen Mom Farrah has compiled a wish list of designer dresses, toasters, saucepans, even school clothes for her daughter Sophia – and she wants her fans to pay for it all.

Before your jaw drops to the floor and you start asking why, just why, Farrah expects us to pay for her toaster and sofas – wish lists are common for those who work in the porn industry.

And although Farrah, star of Teen Mom reality show, said Backdoor Teen Mom was simply a sex tape and not a porno (there is a difference) – others disagree.

The adult video stars Cocksman Of The Year winner James Dean – who claims the footage was leaked in a deliberate plot to gain publicity for Farrah.

 

He wasn’t shy when quizzed by reporters after being pictured leaving the porn company’s headquarters with the MTV 16 and Pregnant star.

 

James simply told them: “We’re making a porno! Everybody’s trying to make it this story, but really [Farrah] wanted to make a sex tape.”

 

Right, so she’s allowed a wish list then? After we started to think what we would put on our wish list and then looking at Farrah’s – we came the conclusion she was being fairly modest.

 

Then we saw the Persian rugs, water dispenser, $100 shoes and a mirror.

A cheque obtained by TMZ shows the mum-of-one cashing in a whopping $119,576.39 in royalties from Vivid Entertainment, the same company behind Kim Kardashian’s home movie.

The Teen Mom star, 22, also received a similar size payment from the company to appear in the video and land exclusive rights.

Steve Hirsch, CEO of Vivid, said in April: “I’m happy to confirm that we have purchased it.

“We went after this movie as vigorously as any sex tape we’ve ever pursued.

“We felt it was definitely worth it, not only because of Farrah’s popularity, but because the footage itself is amazing. Farrah is gorgeous, sexy and absolutely uninhibited.”

Kayla Green

Spokes-Model
Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC
Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about.
7806 Boeing Drive 

Greensboro, NC 27409 

Hours
The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
Here are some keywords to help you find us quickly.
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Confession, I’ve Seen More Balls Than Catcher

This 23-year-old sees more naked packages in a week than most women see in a lifetime. Has she ever got some good stories to tell. She waxes men’s private parts.

I was 18 years old when I moved to Los Angeles from the Midwest. I had decided to become a professional waxer—my mother is an aesthetician, so I was familiar with the business—and I knew Los Angeles would have a never-ending supply of wannabe starlets and trophy wives who needed to be groomed. Now, five years later, business is booming: I’m never without a torso, face, or butt to wax. But back when I was 18, I never would have guessed what I would be waxing more than any other body part. Balls.

74859035 male-hair-removal

Mastering the Mankini Wax
The first time a guy walked into my room, I was so terrified, I could hardly see straight—not good when you’re combining hot wax and family jewels. I was 19, and the client was about 40. He looked like a straight-laced accountant: clean-shaven with neatly pressed clothes. I figured he wanted his private parts to be as impeccable as the rest of him. The sum total of my experience with waxing male genitalia consisted of watching one short video about it at beauty school. Thing is, you can only master a delicate procedure like that by actually doing it. The result? The accountant’s balls were flaming red by the time I was through with him. I removed at least one layer of skin and no doubt left him limping for days…but he didn’t complain. As my waxing skills improved, I got more confident doing the few guys I saw. Then a year ago, I started working at a brand-new salon that marketed itself to both men and women. I told the owners that I was an expert man waxer—a little bit of a fib—and so I became the go-to girl for handling dudes. Well, we couldn’t believe how many men started showing up to the salon. I think guys just needed a place that advertised specifically to them so that they didn’t feel like waxing was only for chicks. Most of the guys who come in are straight, successful, and good-looking. Sometimes I Google them and find out that they’re prominent entertainment executives and lawyers. They’re often married with kids. One of my favorite clients is a gorgeous Italian guy who’s rich, cocky, and flirtatious. I do his chest first, and while I do, I give him a little towel so he can cover up his privates, but he always tosses it aside and lies there with everything on display. He knows he is well-endowed and has a sick body, and he clearly loves to taunt me with it. Sadly, he has a girlfriend, so I can only hope they’ll break up when he realizes his perfect woman has had her face buried in his crotch all along.

hair-removal-zimmet images

Breaking Them In
Waxing a guy’s private parts is a whole lot more complicated than doing a woman’s. A girl can just lie there and zone out, but a guy needs to help me by holding his penis out of the way and pulling the skin on his testicles taut. The other day, I had a typical new customer come in: late 20s, cute, dressed casually. I called him Converse Guy because of his sneakers. He was hanging on my every word as I told him what to do, and I could see little drops of perspiration on his forehead. He was so nervous that when I touched his penis to demonstrate how to hold it, he didn’t even seem to notice…and I’m cute! He relaxed a little when I started with the skin surrounding his testicles, because that part doesn’t hurt all that much. I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said, “Of course! Do you think I’d be doing this if a woman weren’t making me?” Guys usually pretend that girls force them to do it, but I think they are secretly curious and then keep coming back because they like the clean feeling. “Don’t worry,” I assured him. “All my male customers tell me it’s beyond worth it.” I find that it’s key to let first-timers know that I have lots of other guys coming in so they don’t feel so self-conscious. Despite the small talk and the cranked AC, he was still sweating like crazy as I ripped the first strip of wax off his testicles. When I did, his whole body tensed up. The next strip must have hurt even more, because he screamed out “Oh, fuck!” A woman in the next treatment room who’d heard him started to laugh and hollered, “Come on, big guy, it doesn’t hurt that much!” From there on out, he managed to keep quiet, but a lot of guys are much bigger babies. I have one regular customer who looks supermacho, with massive muscles and a deep tan. But every five minutes, he whines, “I need a break! I need a break!” before getting up and pacing around the room, practically in tears. It was hilarious the first time, but now it’s annoying because it makes his sessions take forever. Oh, also? He wears a bright pink G-string every time. A few days after I waxed Converse Guy, he sent me an e-mail: “I can’t thank you enough. I love how clean and smooth it feels down there. I’ll definitely be in again.”

Well now that’s not a job for me…lol

Kayla Green

Spokes-Model
 
Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965
 
 
 
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC 
 
Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about.

7806 Boeing Drive 

Greensboro, NC 27409

Phone: 336-664-0965
Email: greensboro@thetreasureclub.com

Hours

The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

 
Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409 
 
Here are some keywords to help you find us quickly. 
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Sex May Not Always Sell Well

Contrary to popular belief, however, sex doesn’t automatically sell well. Part of its success depends on the economy.

130803031559_1375404038000-sex-sells-1308012041_4_3

For example, The Economist reports that British prostitutes are having to cut prices as business slumps due to tough times.

“The days of being able to make a full-time living out of prostitution are long gone.” Long gone? You’re talking about the oldest profession here. I would wager this is a temporary blip. In any case, the article claims many prostitutes are taking up legitimate side jobs to supplement their income. (I thought it used to be the other way around, women with “normal” jobs turned tricks on the side to make extra cash.)

Selling sex well also depends on clever marketing, but woe to those who besmirch an American icon. Los Angeles-based porn producer Caballero Video has reached a settlement with Ben & Jerry’s. The adult film makers have agreed to stop selling videos with titles and packaging mimicking the ice cream giant. The Los Angeles Times reports there will be no more “Ben & Cherry’s” videos, including those with titles like “Boston Cream Thigh.”

At the same time, sex may be under threat from something even more powerful – staying connected, er, virtually. A survey done by Harris Interactive for tech company Jumio found that one in 10 people have used their smartphones during sex. It’s one in five for people ages 18 to 24. At first I thought this meant that they were using the phones to, you know, record the event for posterity. No. While that may account for some of the usage, it appears people are on their phones for a variety of reasons and just can’t put them down for a single minute. Or 10. Don’t you know the NSA is listening? There’s got to be a marketing campaign in here somewhere. “Think Different. Put the phone down. We’ll still be here.”

Finally, people who use smartphones during intimacy probably don’t have much intimacy. Which means they probably don’t have kids. August 1 was their day. Actually, it’s a day for anyone who feels left out on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. It’s International Childfree Day, described as “a day of celebration worldwide for those couples who have faced criticism, ridicule, and rejection because they chose to be Childless by Choice.”

Not childless by choice. Childless by Choice. It appears this is a holiday that Hallmark has so far failed to capitalize on. Mistake!

“You will never know the joy of parenthood,” says one card which shows a man hitting himself in the head with a hammer. “This might give you some idea of what you’re missing.”

Treasure Club Greensboro

7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC

Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about. 

7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409

Phone: 336-664-0965
Email: greensboro@thetreasureclub.com 

Hours

The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
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How To: Have Sex In Water

When you think of sex, the words wet, slippery and hot come to mind, especially if you’re talking about having sex in water. However, water sex isn’t as easy as jumping into the pool and going at it. In fact, water sex is pretty dangerous for many reasons. Having sex underwater — or “submerged” sex — is simply not a good idea, especially for women. Here are some ways to get wet and wild without going below the surface.

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Sexy But Safe

While having sex in water is slippery fun, you still have to practice safe sex, and unfortunately, if you plan on using a condom, know that water and condoms do not mix.

Not a lot of research has been done, but here is what we know: Hot water and chemicals (like chlorine) most likely affect a condom’s durability, so don’t count on the protection. The other problem is the increased chance of the condom slipping off. That is not only nerve-racking but also awkward for everyone involved. It’s a good plan to have some backup condoms at the ready.

images

Stay Wet

You would think that with all the extra liquid, sex in water would create extra lubrication, but that isn’t the case. Water actually washes away the natural lubrication from a woman’s body, which can lead to some not-so-pleasurable sex.
Your best bet is to use a silicone lubricant, which is not water-soluble and will make penetration a lot more comfortable for both of you.

Ready for the deep end

Once you’ve settled the condom situation and got your hands on some lube, you’re set. So where can you go to indulge in a little aqua love?

images (1)

In the pool: A public pool is out of the question, so stick close to home on this one. The problem with pool sex is the chlorinated water rushing in and out of your lady, which can cause damage and infection. A good alternative is oral sex. Have your girl sit on the deck of the pool or on the stairs while you stand in the water, or vice versa.

In the tub/shower: If your tub is small, you could have trouble in the missionary position, but the shower is a great place for standing-up sex. You get the pleasure of being wet, without the chance of too much water entering private areas. For safety purposes, invest in some anti-slip stickers for the floor. Once you get going, you don’t want your gal sliding all over the place. Having something to hold onto (a stable rack, or bar installed in the shower) wouldn’t be a bad idea either — this will provide support for from-behind action.

In open waters:
 Salt water isn’t exactly a vagina’s best friend. A good, old-fashioned hand job could be the best option. The worst part about lake or ocean sex is the sand factor. Somehow, even if you are extra careful, sand ends up lodged… places. Instead, start things off in the water, but then head to dry land. Have a big blanket on the beach where you can head off to when it’s time to do the deed. You should be a fairly decent swimmer if you fool around in a lake or the ocean. Make sure you both have footing in reach and that the waves and undertow aren’t too strong. And be aware: sex is illegal in public places, so this might be a good time to keep your eyes open during the deed.

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Real-Life Wet Dreams

If after reading this article you decide that water sex is too much of a hassle, consider water foreplay instead. Perhaps a nude soak in the hot tub, a soapy scrub-down in the shower, or a late-night skinny-dip in a lake. After you’ve gotten wet and clean, you can head to a more comfortable place to get dirty.
Have Fun!!
Treasure Club Greensboro

7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965

 Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC 

 

Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about. 

7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409

Phone: 336-664-0965
Email: greensboro@thetreasureclub.com 

Hours

The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
Here are some keywords to help you find us quickly.
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The 10 Worst Sex Stories Ever

1. The Unexpected Exclamation. While the man who wanted to be called Clifford the Big Red Dog — doggie style, get it? — during sex was a strong contender, as were the ladies staging their own sexual non sequitur contest, it was hard to beat this particular episode of dirty talk, experienced by commenter enidcoleslaw:

I met some guy at a party, and ended up going to his house… Mid-thrust, he started laughing manically and yelled “I am fucking an alien princess! I am fucking an alien princess!” I, far too sober, immediately stopped, and then had to listen to him say, with wide eyes: “your vagina looks like the fridge scene in Ghostbusters.” I fell asleep and woke up in the morning to him eating a whole key lime pie in bed. Not even looking over at me, he said: “you can’t have any.” I walked home.

2. Bent Out Of Shape. There were many physical contortions and injuries that hurt to read about, but even for a lady, this one was most painful, from commenter Jeremy:

While riding me cowgirl, an ex bounced up too high, I partially slid out, she came back down and my penis kinked in the middle, to the left. I felt the snap echo through my entire body.
Horrible screams. A shame, it was pretty fun up until that point.
It stayed like that for nearly a year when one day it miraculously straightened itself.

bed1_xlarge

3. The Full Release. It would be easy to stack the finalists entirely with sheer gross-outs, but not everything can be about poop. (Or vomit. Or pee.) But it can sometimes! Via email:

I was fifteen. My first boyfriend had talked me into giving him a blowjob, his and my first one. After some hesitation, I began and everything seemed to be going as he described it would be. Half way through, I noticed my chest felt really warm and wet. I looked down and to my horror, there was an indescribable amount of diarrhea covering my white shirt. To this day, I’m not sure what happened. Of course the real fun part was when I had to left my t-shirt over my head to get it off.

4. The Brass Ring. Never again will we doubt whether Farrelly brothers-style slapstick ever happens in real life. Commenter interrobanggirl gets bonus points for urination add-on.

It was the first time I had sex with this guy, and he was hitting it from behind on his big brass bed. At one point, I was getting tired, so I went to turn my head to make eye contact (I had read that that made guys crazy) and I realized that my head was stuck between the brass posts. I was like a kid in a banister, and kept imagining firemen having to save me. My date sure couldn’t save me – he, in fact, laughed so hard that he peed on the floor.

Coleen+-+sexless+marriage

5. The Sweaty Political Fetishist This contender, salvagedgrace, made it to the finals purely based on a buffet of transcendent terribleness, all in a single, epic romp.

the first (and last) time i ever had sex with this boy, he managed to go wrong on just about every level:

1. five minutes in, he was sweating so much that he had to stop to ask me for a towel- my room was not hot, and it was definitely not a strenuous five minutes. sadly, he was on top, so i can empathize with victims of waterboarding.
2. the dirty talk came in full sentences- each one had a subject and predicate. such as…
3. “you are my sexy little socialist.” (he is a republican and i am not) definitely not the venue for political discourse of any kind, let alone when said during one of the many time that he….
4. stopped f*cking so he could stare into my eyes. no joke, at least a dozen times he pulled back to give me this puppy dog face because somehow during this farce he’d decided we were soul mates.
5. he kept going soft, which wouldn’t have been so god awful if he didn’t stop to blame the condom each time. and in the manner of a stand-up comic. “what, are these condoms made out of lead or something?!”
5b. extra obnoxious when it’s followed, almost immediately, by “i love how good it feels inside you.”
6. he not only tried to jackhammer during our inaugural romp, but he actually tried to force the mattress to spring him. all this did was result in a really uncomfortable series of thrusts where his rhythm didn’t match the mattress and his cock just stabbed me a few times.
7. he kissed fine outside of bed, but once in bed the kissing was relegated to tiny pecks in rapid succession, and with his eyes open.
8. i have large breasts, which he often claimed to be a fan of. given that he’s a big, rough and tumble kind of guy i expected some decent groping out of this combo. no such luck. instead of quality love and attention, my breasts were delicately patted with an open hand even after the third time i told him that he wouldn’t break me.
9. during sex he actually apologized for being ‘inappropriate.’ i’m not a subtle girl- you’ll know when i want an apology from you, and it’s a really slim chance that it’ll ever be while you’re inside me.
10. when i had exhausted every other trick in my book and this still wasn’t over- i asked him to bend me over so he’d feel more comfortable objectifying me and i wouldn’t have to see his face. i positioned the requisite hand to guide him into place, and after a couple minutes realized that he still hadn’t made contact, despite all his talking. it wasn’t until i moved my hand away and he made a joke about ‘falling out’ that i realized he’d didn’t know that he’d been fucking my hand instead of me.

BadSex

6. The French Connection. Parental walk-ins were a popular part of the sexual horror story pantheon, as were trips abroad, but only one, Violeta’s, included an unexpected parent, transnationalism and a champagne bottle up the ass.

A few years ago, my French bf-at-the-time took me to Paris to meet his family….His mother, a haughty Parisienne who believes that her only son is GOD, and that no girl could possibly be classy enough to deserve him. Their regard is mutual – he worships her as much as she worships him.

One evening after a champagne-soaked dinner, she left to go to the theater. Expecting that she’d be gone for several hours, we started having regular sex, and then anal sex, on a couch adjacent to the table at which we’d had dinner. Things kept getting hotter, and my b.f. started f*cking my ass with the slim end of a champagne bottle. This felt good at first… but then I realized that something felt off. I slowed him down in an attempt to understand what on Earth my body was doing, and I realized that my bowels were moving. And I kind of realized that it was too late to stop what was happening.

At this already Godforsaken moment, we hear a key in the door and his mother pops into the room. The bitch had forgotten her shawl or something. So there I am, naked, on her couch, while her son, also naked, is holding a champagne bottle that is obviously deeply embedded in my ass. We shriek, and he yanks out the bottle. And immediately out comes a LARGE, dark brown, smelly piece of poop. It just rolls out – this felt like it was happening in slow motion, and I kept trying to stop it but I couldn’t – and lands on her couch.
The French boy and I broke up shortly thereafter. I dumped him – pun intended.

7. The Thwacking One-Hit Wonder. While we are in theory sympathetic to performance anxieties, Luciolebizarre’s tragicomic encounter with an oblivious underperformer makes us pity her more than him.

The fact that he was a grown man who still called himself Timmy should have tipped me off that this wasn’t going to be the most satisfying experience. So Timmy was a fairly sweet, if dim guy and before we had sex he told me he’d had sex with a few girls, but only one time each and he didn’t know why. I was all, “That’s so weird! You’re totally cute, let’s have sex twice today.”

Half an hour into fooling around, I figured it out. Not only did he not get hard at all, it seems that no one had ever told him that you need to in fact be erect before trying to penetrate a woman. He kept holding his tiny, limp dick and trying to kind of…just…flop it inside of me, I guess. I tried my very best to, um, rectify the situation and get things really going, but he kept saying, “What’s wrong? Why won’t you just put it inside you?” So I just sort of…shoved his flaccid penis inside of me and he started to moan like it was feeling really good for him. Then it promptly just fell out.

I remember how sad and floppy it looked lying against his leg and then how pitiful the whole effort was as he started to rock against me, gently thwacking his droopy, listless penis between my legs as though I must be the luckiest girl in the world. Needless to say, we did not have sex more than the one time. I wonder if he has since broken that streak.

8. The Unwanted Stump. Even the most kink-oriented coupler (or tripler) has boundaries. And for JustSmileAndNod, that was one man’s sweaty stump.

I had finally agreed to a threesome with the man I had been involved in a Dominant/submissive friends-with-benefits situation for the last four months. Since this was largely my fantasy that he had wanted to fulfill, it was going to be a male-male-female threesome. I was nervous, to say the least. He had agreed to write up an ad for Craigslist, let me review it before posting, and screen all the responses…We finally settled on one-not my first choice, or even my second, but he actually followed through.

….I knew that if I could see what was going on, I wouldn’t go through with it, so we agreed that I would be blindfolded and he would take care of me, gauging the situation and making sure the Guest didn’t overstep my limits.

I was kneeling, blindfolded, in the middle of the living room, when the doorbell rang… It didn’t take long before Guest was naked and in my mouth. Nor did it take long after we rolled around a little bit and had changed positions that I started feeling little “feather brushes” against my arms. For the life of me, I could not figure out what the feeling was-they were without pattern but distinct and localized sensations against my skin. It wasn’t until I started feeling them on my face as I was essentially tea-bagging him that I realized that HE WAS SWEATING ON ME. The Guest, this man I had just “met” in the loosest of terms, wasn’t simply sweaty, he was sweating large, gross, hairy man sweat droplets all over my face and torso.

That should have been my clue to stop, but I’m a trooper and a bit loathe to cause a scene. Besides, my Man was there, I knew I was safe, and he and I were having fun.

Fast forward to the end of the afternoon. I’m on the floor on my back after my Man and I finished fucking, kind of spent from all the activities, but still blindfolded. I can feel the Guest’s hands on me, and he asks if he can get me off again. Not one to say no to an orgasm, he starts attending to me digitally. But then the sensation changes-it feels as if he’s trying to fist me, but with his palm or something. The feeling is off…and then it hits me: The Guest is an amputee and is TRYING TO FIST ME WITH HIS STUMP! I don’t go for fisting to begin with, but trying to fit his stump in my vagina was just never going to happen, so I stop the scene, he leaves, and I go to the bathroom to clean up.

When I come out, I turn to my Man and ask, “What he missing a hand?”

“Yes he was. I didn’t think it would be polite to turn him away just because of it though.”

“That’s true, but Stumpy tried to fist me with his stump! Without asking! Had he tried to fist me, that would have been bad enough, but stumping without permission is just poor form.”

bad-sex

9. The Bloodstream Blood is almost never a welcome visitor to a sex scene, be it menstrual blood after a foiled loss-of-virginity attempt, or surprise nosebleeds during cunnilingus — twice. And torn genitals were surprisingly common. Still, Petit_Pois surely suffered the worst blood-related indignity.

I was “manually prepping” him and thought it was weird that there was so much precum. Eventually, I flicked on the light to grab a condom and he said “Oh my god, you’re bleeding!” I started freaking out. How could this be?! I just got off my period. My hands, stomach and thighs were COVERED in blood…but my nether region was clear. Then, I look over and I see blood literally GUSHING out of the head of his dick. I was so freaked out I just yelled “YOUR DICK IS BLEEDING” and ran out of the room….

He was more mortified than I was…if possible. He told me about a month ago, he was really wasted and zipped the head of his penis in his pants. Being super drunk, he couldn’t dislodge it, so forced the zipper down/yanked his dick out. He then passed out to later find himself on a blood soaked mattress. The doctor told him he needed stitched to close it back up, but didn’t do it…leaving both his penis and me scarred for life.

10. The Would-Be Artist And if that was too much bodily-function misfire for you, here’s an after-sex discovery from strangerthanfiction to end on a possibly sweet, if totally fucking weird, note.

As a freshman in college, I decided to nurse the wounds of a bad breakup with a one-night stand. I should have run in the other direction when the guy told me he was working on his “memoirs” (he was 19), but I was pretty desperate. The sex itself was awkward, passionless, and boring, but the real treat came the next day. I arrived back to my dorm room in last night’s clothes, and as I was changing to head to the showers, my roommate noticed something weird on my ass. Turned out the guy had drawn on me while I was asleep…a sailboat, a cat, and a rocketship, all on my butt, all in highlighter.

Treasure Club Greensboro

7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC

Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about. 

7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409

Phone: 336-664-0965
Email: greensboro@thetreasureclub.com 

Hours

The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
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Woman Head Stuck In Railings During Sex

A woman got her head stuck in some railings while having sex with her boyfriend.
463_withdrawal-method-sex-positions_flash
The 46-year-old, from Lipetsk in Russia, said that she wanted to “spice things up” with her man.

A neighbor called the police after finding the woman naked and unable to free herself from the stairwell.
AA-look-a-like
When police arrived, the woman said that she had been having consensual sex with her partner when she became stuck. Her boyfriend was not around when the officers turned up.

Emergency worker Alexei Dotsenko said “In all my time working as a rescuer, I don’t recall any incident like this one.”

Treasure Club Greensboro

7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
(336) 664-0965
Here is more about The Treasure Club In Greensboro, NC

Welcome to The Treasure Club’s Executive Suite – Greensboro’s top Gentleman’s Club that features beautiful entertainers and a spectacular place to watch sports. At the Treasure Club, we feature over 30 top entertainers, numerous big screen TV’s and a state of the art 12-foot projection screen for all the action. We show all UFC pay per view events. The Treasure Club is also home to North Carolina’s only exotic limo ride. Come visit us and see what everyone in the Triad is talking about. 

7806 Boeing Drive

Greensboro, NC 27409

Phone: 336-664-0965
Email: greensboro@thetreasureclub.com 

Hours

The Treasure Club of Greensboro opens each day at 7:00 PM, including Sunday.

Monday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Tuesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Wednesday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Thursday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Friday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Saturday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL
Sunday: 7:00 PM – UNTIL

Dances

We offer a variety of dance options to suite your mood and we offer the best dance prices in town. Our entertainers offer VIP, Suite Spot, Champagne Room and our world famous limousine dances. Come see what makes the Treasure Club the most fun in Greensboro.

VIP / Private Parties

The Treasure Club is available for your next private party or bachelor party. We have special limo service available for parties of five or more. Simply contact us to begin planning your Treasure Club VIP experience. Come see all we have to offer.

Treasure Club Greensboro
7806 Boeing Drive
Greensboro, NC 27409
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